We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
