he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
