I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
