Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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