no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
