Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
