Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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