What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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