today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
