could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
