we have officially lost it.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize