Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
