im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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