its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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