I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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