Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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