I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize