i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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