I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
