Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
