last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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