i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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