thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
