Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
