Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
