I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
