My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize