so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
