Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Randomize
