do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
