You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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