Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
