i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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