yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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