so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
