Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
