He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
