we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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