Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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