I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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