Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
