The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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