How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
