Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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