can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
