god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
