i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
if only i could text you this smell
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize