you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
