I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
