Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
