So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
