yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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