piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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