just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
