I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
