Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
