Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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