I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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