I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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