i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
