Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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