dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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