you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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