The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
