I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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