It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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