I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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