how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
