so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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