How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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