i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
