I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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