i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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