I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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