We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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