I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
