Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
