At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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