you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
