Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
