I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize