My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
