I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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