I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
