i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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