Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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