Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
